I just love the magazine business

Check out my latest articles for 202 Magazine HERE. The September issue is GREAT!

Music has had its way with me this very Saturday morning...and other random thoughts

Listen Here.

"River Flows in You" by Yiruma \\ Piano

After listening to this song, I felt inspired to record some new goals/ambitions/dreams I'd like to set for myself.

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Someday, I would really, really like to...

 1. study about and visit Washington DC & Boston...

DC

Boston

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2. audition for this performance group...

Utah Valley Symphony

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3. cook like this girl...

Kelsey Nixon, see website

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4. write like this author

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love

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5. be a good mother like this woman....


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6. serve a mission...

7. study social work...

8. be wise and steadfast like these women...

Julie Beck, General Relief Society President

Sheri Dew, President of Desert Book Co.\\ former counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency

9. and see this sculpture in person...

The Louvre Museum in Paris

A few months ago, I was struggling to take hold of my personal life. I didn't know exactly what I wanted, which led me to feel uncertain about what I should be striving to become. To say I felt lost and confused is an understatement. I felt a lack of identity, completely unable to relate to anything or anyone. I decided to explain my predicament to my little brother, Tanner, who is who is currently serving his mission in Verecruz, Mexico. By the way, I love asking for Tanner's advice. He explains his perspective so bluntly. There's no sugar coating or hedging. Although his honesty can feel like a rug has been pulled out from underneath you, and even though you might slip and fall, his conviction is always there to help you get back up. Upon reading my concerns he told me quite strongly to take some time every morning to clear my thoughts from the negative forces that were holding me captive. "When you are finally free," he said, "write down everything you want to accomplish in the next 100 years. Don't put any limits on yourself. And don't believe in time constraints." The task seemed daunting, so I put it off for a long time. But after listening to some beautiful piano music this morning, I was reminded of my brother's advice; and so I have decided to write down all the tid bits of hope and ambition and inspiration I feel whenever they may grace my spirit--hence my small list above.

It is interesting how I can be blessed with great ambition and dream-seeking tendencies, and at the same time be given the confusing struggle of learning how to battle the negative forces that keep me from pursuing my heart's desires. Seriously. It's a difficult journey. It's like being locked in an emotional cage all. the. time. Sometimes I break away from the bars long enough to enjoy the sweet taste of hard work, companionship of the spirit, and commitment; but much of the time, I'm stuck in the rut of my own fears and indecision. I want to progress but don't know how. I want to change but am too afraid of the cost. Risk seems like the ultimate trial, and were it not for the help of friends and family, I might not get anywhere in this life. The trenches of my fear are deep, muddy, and even cold. What's even more interesting is that there is a part of me that easily falls prey to complacency and has miraculously found some sort of comfort in that dull place. But when I'm hit with rays of truth and hope, I realize my complacency is in actuality the most uncomfortable thing I can imagine. I often look at people who do exactly what they want to do and I wonder, "how did they do that? How could they be so brave?" I literally cannot piece together their progress. I mean, how could they have the nerve to do what makes them happy? How can they make a decision without looking back or second guessing themselves? I envy their courage and dream of being the kind of person who isn't afraid to be who they want to be.

There is a balance of course, a fine line between progressing gradually and frantically chasing dreams. A delicate yet distinct division between feeling content and being complacent. As an emotionally immature twenty something, I am still striving to find those fine lines. But perhaps the real solution is to focus more on priorities. If my priorities are in line with truth, then maybe I won't have to worry so much about whether or not I'm compulsively grabbing for more, more, more or truly becoming a better person: someone who is ever more converted to the gospel and living life according to God's loving and freeing curriculum.

Someday, I woud really like to do a lot of things. Today, I will start small; and hopefully with the correct guidance I will learn how best to organize and harness all the energy inside.

Ant to think: all these thoughts came from listening to one piano song. Who knew music could have such a strong impact? 

MAJOR Update

News, news! I have news!

Job interview. Next Thursday. In Utah. At this agency. Thank you networking (and all good vibes from the universe aka the Big Man upstairs).

Wish me luck!

Sometimes my ambition gets the better of me...

Whew! Tuesday was a little exhausting to say the least. In the process of recuperating from a wonderful/event filled/emotional roller coasting weekend, I was also responsible for getting some last-minute work assignments checked off my to-do list.

But, being typical me, I pushed the assignments to the very last possible minute. I knew I should have started my article the moment I accepted the following prompt last Thursday night:

But...like I said, my weekend plans kept me pretty preoccupied. 

However, I, of course, wasn't going to refuse the offer of writing another article for July's issue. Not only would it mean I'd get another shot at being published, but it would also show initiative and drive. And in the work industry that's got to count for something. I mean, did it really matter that I had accepted the task of completing a 1.5 week story in just 3 days?

I think what we're seeing here is the fact that my ambition gets me stuck in some pretty sticky, pressure inducing situations. Luckily, I was able to pull through this time, but only out of sheer luck (aka divine help!). 

My assignment was to write a story about a bowling team in the valley. Easy enough, right? Well, not when all the teams meet on every day of the week except Tuesdays. This is a problem because 1) Tuesday (yesterday) was the only day I could work on the article; and 2) My article was due Tuesday night! 

I'm sure you can imagine the pressure I was feeling when 3:00 o' clock rolled around yesterday afternoon and I still didn't have a team to interview. 

As I called one bowling alley after the other asking about meeting times and league tournaments, I felt my stomach sinking as I considered how disappointed my editor might be if I wasn't able to finish the assignment I had so quickly and graciously accepted (thanks a lot performance-based self!). 

As the evening approached I still had one more bowling alley to call. I almost didn't even make the call because I assumed it would lead to the same empty results. But, I dialed anyway. Low and behold, this bowling alley had not one, but two leagues playing that very night. 

Can I get a halelujah?!

Once the bowling alley attendant told me the game time I grabbed my keys, hopped in my car, and burned some freeway asphalt as I sped across the US-60. I was able to meet up with a lovely team of 4 people who have thoroughly enjoyed bowling together for the past two years.

All this makes me realize I have a love-hate relationship with deadlines. One minute I'm craving the adrenaline rush as I fly down the freeway in hopes of catching the last available interviewees for my article, and the next I'm wiping away beads of sweat from my forehead as I frantically type up a 400 word story with a 100 word sidebar--all within  a 4 hour time segment. And let us not forget I'm a naturally anxious person, like, ALL THE TIME. This means adrenaline rushes either cause me to shut down, or they make my stomach twist around in knots until I hyperventilate.

Fortunately, after sending in my rough article, I did receive encouragement from my editor. Have I ever told you what a remarkable woman It think she is? Hmmm...more on her later. 

Anyway, later last night I received this email:

Confession

I'm addicted

...to buying books.

And it's not because I'm some smart bookworm who likes to read all the time. No, no. Not even close. I honestly don't remember when my love for clicking the add-this-book-to-your-cart button started (most likely toward the end of my Junior year in college). I just know that, now, I have an affinity with Amazon.com's amazingly cheap books--not to mention the awesome student discounts which include reduced shipping rates. I bought 8 books tonight for approximately 45 bucks. The topics range from Christian theology to marriage and family therapy (both very hot topics in my head right now).

For those wondering, I have three very good reasons for why I am buying books even though I don't yet have a job: 1) I just got some delayed birthday money from the grandparents. So of course I'm going to put good 'ole Benjamin to use. 2) With the job search still not resulting in any successes, I'd like to be as productive as possible during the day. Since I'm no longer enrolled in school I figure reading might be a great substitute. I never did enough of it as a child, so I guess you could say I'm playing catch up. 3)  Let's be honest, I'm a total nerd in the fact that I feel giddy when I'm on Amazon.com and I look over at all the sidebars of recommended literature and see all the awesome books I could read someday. Not to mention, I have this picture of my future home where there is a room filled with paperback books, and my children love going to the "library" where they read and study and discuss various topics to their heart's content (by the way, I have no idea where that dream came from...). Also, I honestly feel a lot of satisfaction when someone asks me a question and I can answer it in reference to a book or talk or podcast I've recently studied.

Of course, my addiction for buying books might just be my subconscious secretly bloating my ego, the part of me that wants to someday be a renowned scholar--a knower of many things, if you will (as you can see from my accelerated word choice I'm clearly making leaps and bounds in the field of scholarship). Then again, you know what they say about compulsive behavior: it's really just a cover up for what's happening underneath. Perhaps I'm struggling with the fact that I'm an unemployed college grad who is still unsure of her next move. Wait, that's not a perhaps. That's just true. Hmm...food for thought.

Anyway, there's my confession. I'm a compulsive buyer of books. And like any addict I go through my phases of soberness and not so much....soberness, like tonight. (This all makes me wonder what kind of old lady I'll be. Cats have never been my style, so I guess I'll just be the crazy book lady who barks at kids texting on their phones instead of reading something...nahhh!).

138

Ugh...shudder.

That's the number I saw on the YMCA women's locker room scale this morning. 1-3-8. I've NEVER seen that number on any scale I've stood on. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Then again, I knew all my gourmet eating over the past 4 months wasn't doing me any favors. I mean c'mon, those white-bread pitas and burrito-stuffed shwarma had to be going somewhere. I guess I just denied the fact that they'd stick around for keeps.

"It's okay, it's okay." I told myself as I watched the little black measuring needle bob up and down. "There are worse things going on the world, like war, starvation, teenage pregnancy, unemployment, depression, etc." Self talks like these are what I usually try to initiate as a way of getting a different (better?) perspective on a disappointing situation. I've always been told that just when I think my life is bad I should consider other people's problems. On an ultimate scale, my problems will usually rank less painful. However, my belittlement of the situation wasn't helping. I turned to my left and saw myself in the mirror; only this time there seemed to be a lot more of...well, me...than I'm used to seeing. "I'm huge!" were the first words that came to mind. And no amount of optimism was going to change that.

About 5 minutes and a personal pep talk later, I walked out of the gym and made a promise to myself: "We're getting our life under control!" (Yes, I speak to myself in the third person...much like Gollum in Lord of the Rings. Weird? Whatevs...). No more late-night snacks, no more white bread, candy, and cookies. No more sedentary lifestyle and NO MORE DELAYS! (You better believe I was pumped for the challenge). No more sugar, no more carbs, no more ridiculous excuses, no more self pity...and the list went on.

By the time I got to my car I realized my list of Nos was getting really long, so I decided to turn it around and create a few simple lifestyle "suggestions" for myself.

1. Be understanding. Don't forget that change takes time. Do not seek compulsive solutions for a problem that took lots of time to develop. 

2. Be consistent. Whatever you decide to cut or keep, be consistent. Nothing is more of a let-down in goal setting than inconsistent behavior. 

3. Be task oriented. If you set the goal to be "in shape" you will be left running around in circles after abstract ambitions. Instead, sit yourself down and take the time to plan out your goals. Transform abstract ideas into task oriented objectives that can be quantified. This will help motivate you because you will see results. 

4. Be kind. It's hard to change if you're always making rude remarks to or about yourself. Believe you can improve and change for the better. Be confident that you matter and that your goals will help you become and feel great!

5. Be honest. It is important to pay attention to how you feel or react to the expectations you place on yourself. If the weights (literal and figurative) are too heavy one day, consider alternatives. If your'e simply being lazy, help yourself man-up and get the job the done. Only you know if you're pushing too hard, and only you know how far you're willing to go!  

I realize this list might seem vague, but with such a hefty transformation up ahead I want to make sure I focus on principles and not just practice. The two go hand-in-hand obviously, but I want to make sure I'm doing what I'm doing for the right reasons. If I don't, I'll most likely spiral back into my poor eating habits that have become so comfortable.

Anyway...aside from my freak out this morning life at home is great. I mean, that's what I'm supposed to say, right? I've been on mom duty from the moment I landed (more on that coming soon!), so I haven't taken too much time to process personal current events and what I need to do in the upcoming weeks to fully reinstate myself as a productive post-graduate. Needless to say, there's still a lot to be dealt with, but I plan to tackle the beasts one at a time.

Until then, I'm off to celebrate the matrimony of my dear friend Candace and her new husband. I cannot--excuse me--CANNOT wait to see my friend walk out of the temple--married. It will indeed be glorious.

Matrimony: it really is wonderful isn't it? And how awesome that my friend is getting married the same day as Princess Kate and Prince William. Or rather, how cool is it that Kate and William are getting married on the same day as my friend? Touche. Touche.

Happy Friday!

Me + pomegranate juice in the Christian Quarter section of the Old City...
to remind myself that fruit is good to eat :-) 

What I've been up to....

Read THIS post if you're interested in knowing what I'm doing these last 48 hours in a land I love very, very much. 

Exciting news...

Received flight itinerary for Tel Aviv: check!

Photo by Masser, Flickr

Feeling a little ambitious?

By the time I'm 25, I would like to say I've read over 100 books cover to cover, starting with these....

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 *The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 *Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 *The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 *Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 *Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 *The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 *Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 *Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 *The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 *Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 *Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 *The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 *Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan 

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 *Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 *Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 *Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 *A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazu Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 *Charlotte’s Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 *The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 *Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 *Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 *Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I didn't think it would happen

On Monday morning at approximately 5:45 a.m., I will be taking a big step. A step I didn't plan on taking. A step I rejected several months ago for a plethora of reasons.

But life happens. Plans change and so do people.

Ladies and gentlemen, in just over 24 hours I will be here:

In New York City. Stepping off the plane and headed straight for the heart of Manhattan. Joining me are 26 other advertising students and one professor. Together we'll all partake of and [possibly] be inspired by the lights, the smells, the people and the business. 

For some, this trip might seem like a fun get-away vacation from school. But that's not how I see it. No, no. This trip is an extremely crucial step for me this semester. Sure, it will be a blast, but I've got questions and I need answers. I'm going to New York for five days to test the waters. I need to find out whether or not I could actually see myself living in the big city pursuing my professional career. For two years my feelings on the matter have fluctuated between "yes, I'm going and nothing will stop me!" to "Nah, New York City and advertising and a career aren't for me." But the time for dangling my feet off the fence of indecision is passing. I'm single, I'm almost graduated, and I'm at a crossroads. It's time to make some important decisions (gosh, I hate being an adult sometimes...yet at the same time, I feel invigorated by my boldness. About three weeks ago I made the decision on a whim that I was going to pay my own way. And I did.  I've got one plane ticket and a reserved bed in a hostel, and I'm all ready to go). 

Perhaps I've over-anticipated the outcome of this trip. I like to think that my taking this trip very seriously has prepared me for active observation and appropriate reflection. I like to think I'm ready for whatever inner emotional roller coaster this trip may cause, or the possible peaceful resolutions it brings. Whatever the outcome, I can assure you I'm excited. And happy. And grateful for this opportunity. In all truth, I'm ready to search things out in my mind so that I can feel peace in my heart. 

While in New York I hope to gain insight into the following questions: 

1. Is this something I really want? If so, do I want it for the right reasons? 

2. What are my feelings as I attend different conferences, seminars, and agency visits? 

3. What is the one thing my heart years for as I walk block to block, surrounded by thousands of people? Will it crave for more of what I'm submerged in (skyscrapers, bustling business people in business suits, hot dog stands on streets corners, taxi cabs, etc)? Or will it ache for familiarity, wide open spaces, and home? 

Well, that's what I'm up to for the next week. I'll share any insights I glean upon my return. 

Ciao bellas! 

Image courtesy of Google. 

10 Points for ME

Just over a year ago, I did THIS. That was back in the day when I was very diligent about exercising. Then, life happened: I made myself extra busy (full-time school, two jobs, invested church calling, etc.), hurt my knee, and discovered a craving for food with white flour. Sadly, my health was suddenly shifted to the back burner. I started breaking all my cardinal rules like eating food from the vending machines (daily), sitting in an office job all day, skipping daily workouts, making frequent trips to the fridge late at night, and (worst of all) used food as a means for coping with my emotional problems rather than dealing with them up front.

Emotional eating= the demise of my healthy lifestyle...oh dear....

I became lethargic and uncomfortable in favorite clothes. I promised myself I'd get back into my healthy routine, but somehow that promise never made it past my front door. Going to the gym suddenly felt like the worst chore EVER. And eating healthy just seemed to cost too much money and take too much time. Suffice it to say, my lifestyle kinda took a turn for the worse.

Fast forward a whole school year....


Today, I ran 3 miles on the treadmill.

1, 2, 3

IN A ROW! No stops!

I haven't done that in about...8 months. Or something like that.

Alls I'm sayin' is, that felt GOOD! and I really feel like I accomplished something today.  Do I stop here? NO WAY. I'm gonna keep goin'.

For  a while I forgot how much I enjoy exercising and being fit. Today, I was blessed with a small glimpse of how healthy I could be again.

Oh boy. Ten points for ME! (Thanks for inspiring me, Aubs).

Happy Thursday.