I didn't think it would happen

On Monday morning at approximately 5:45 a.m., I will be taking a big step. A step I didn't plan on taking. A step I rejected several months ago for a plethora of reasons.

But life happens. Plans change and so do people.

Ladies and gentlemen, in just over 24 hours I will be here:

In New York City. Stepping off the plane and headed straight for the heart of Manhattan. Joining me are 26 other advertising students and one professor. Together we'll all partake of and [possibly] be inspired by the lights, the smells, the people and the business. 

For some, this trip might seem like a fun get-away vacation from school. But that's not how I see it. No, no. This trip is an extremely crucial step for me this semester. Sure, it will be a blast, but I've got questions and I need answers. I'm going to New York for five days to test the waters. I need to find out whether or not I could actually see myself living in the big city pursuing my professional career. For two years my feelings on the matter have fluctuated between "yes, I'm going and nothing will stop me!" to "Nah, New York City and advertising and a career aren't for me." But the time for dangling my feet off the fence of indecision is passing. I'm single, I'm almost graduated, and I'm at a crossroads. It's time to make some important decisions (gosh, I hate being an adult sometimes...yet at the same time, I feel invigorated by my boldness. About three weeks ago I made the decision on a whim that I was going to pay my own way. And I did.  I've got one plane ticket and a reserved bed in a hostel, and I'm all ready to go). 

Perhaps I've over-anticipated the outcome of this trip. I like to think that my taking this trip very seriously has prepared me for active observation and appropriate reflection. I like to think I'm ready for whatever inner emotional roller coaster this trip may cause, or the possible peaceful resolutions it brings. Whatever the outcome, I can assure you I'm excited. And happy. And grateful for this opportunity. In all truth, I'm ready to search things out in my mind so that I can feel peace in my heart. 

While in New York I hope to gain insight into the following questions: 

1. Is this something I really want? If so, do I want it for the right reasons? 

2. What are my feelings as I attend different conferences, seminars, and agency visits? 

3. What is the one thing my heart years for as I walk block to block, surrounded by thousands of people? Will it crave for more of what I'm submerged in (skyscrapers, bustling business people in business suits, hot dog stands on streets corners, taxi cabs, etc)? Or will it ache for familiarity, wide open spaces, and home? 

Well, that's what I'm up to for the next week. I'll share any insights I glean upon my return. 

Ciao bellas! 

Image courtesy of Google. 

Sometimes a girl gets to be ridiculously emotional....

For those of you who have been around me the past two weeks, you could probably agree with me when I say  I've been a bit of an emotional CRAZY lady. Heaven bless my hometeachers. Those wonderful, awesome, amazing gentlemen witnessed the peak of my breakdown, and still stuck around to offer support.

I'm experiencing, what feels like to me, a sorta [big-deal] transition. What is it, you ask? Well, to most it's not life altering, but to me it feels poignant.

I'm moving out of my humble abode {AVE232} a week from Thursday. 

I know people move out of their apartments all the time. It's a fact of college life. Actually, it's an expected part of college life. 

But it's been 730 days since I fist stepped into AVE232 and called it home. And I've never  lived anywhere else in all my years in Provo (all my years=2). This whole transition has re-surfaced a lot of insecurities I haven't felt in a while, hence all the emotional outbreaks.

It's hard for me to feel excited about leaving because so much (to say the least) has happened in that apartment and in my ward. Lately, my mind has been flooded with memory after memory of times when I felt my life changing because of the influence of another person. This is the place where I learned how to serve, how to be myself, how to live and have fun. I can't even count the number of vital life lessons I've been taught in the past two years.

I'm diligently seeking for the strength and faith I need to feel excited about the inevitable change ahead. It's not easy though. Part of me doesn't want to let go of what I have now, doesn't want to believe that life always gets better as we grow, doesn't want to accept change as a natural process. For the past two weeks I have felt so strongly that life can't possibly improve from it's current state.

But I know that isn't true. Change is a good. Especially the change I'm about to experience. I'll be in a new home with new roommate dynamics and a new ward. I'll be starting Fall semester and trying to quickly adjust to my demanding schedule. I won't see a lot of familiar faces for the first few weeks, and I won't feel like I know what I'm doing. But imagine how many opportunities lie ahead. I need to look forward to potential friendships and service opportunities because they're going to be amazing! I now have the chance to prove just how much I've grown in the past two years. For this gift, I am grateful.

I believe God loves us too much to only give us one chance at true happiness.Yes, without a doubt, the past two years have been the best of my life. But I've learned that life just continues to get better. After all, the best is yet to be. (Robert Browning).  

Thank you, AVE232 and BYU121, for the many semesters of friendship, growth, and experience. The relationships formed therein were real and life changing. I am grateful for the time spent in productive development. But I must now leave and explore new opportunities. I will never forget the memories that shaped my life, for surely they are potent and irreplaceable.

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!
-Robert Browning