Friday Letters

St. Petersburg, Russia \\ February 2006

Dear Dad, 
Thanks for taking a few minutes out of your day to call.
It feels good to know you care about what's happening in my life.
I always hope you're proud of me.
Did you know that your oldest daughter loves you very much?

love,
Katie-lady

Dear FerrariColor, 
You didn't deliver the ORCA cutouts like you promised.
This delays our campaign yet another 3 days.
Not cool.

Sincerely,
Miss dissatisfied

Dear Vocal Point, 
Thanks for your rendition of "Lead Kindly Light."
I listen to it at least 7 times every day.
I particularly enjoy the soloist. Very lovely.

with much appreciation,
An avid fan

Dear General Conference, 
Please come sooner and bring lots of
light,
love,
and insights :-)

best,
kN

Dear Violin, 
Memories of you keep moving to the forefront of my mind.
Is this a sign?

curiously,
me

Dear cinnamon scented candles at Michaels, 
You're making me SUPER DUPER excited for Christmas,
and Thanksgiving,
and the chance to wear hoodies.

anxiously awaiting fall,
that AZ girl

My heart overfloweth with sisterhood

Chieko N. Okazaki, first counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency from 1990 - 1997, once said, “When our burdens are grievous to be borne, when we face a world in which it seems that there is only struggle and no rest, I hope we can remember the immense strength of our sisterhood, the reservoirs that we have within us, and the unfailing wellspring of the Savior’s love for us, even in the midst of adversity.” (“Finding Lightness in Our Burdens,” The Best of Women’s Conference). 


That feeling of sisterhood that Okazaki was talking about is exactly what these girls provided me last night:

We met in Jerusalem and became kindred spirits over pita, pillow talk, broken straighteners, and failed Old Testament quizzes. Having the four of us together again last night opened my heart to so much joy. I was reminded of how good it feels to be around women, let alone friends who listen, understand, validate, and want to help you in any way they can. 


As we sat at the table eating our scrumptious confetti cake, I couldn't help but feel like I was getting a great big hug from the Savior. We each took turns updating the others on our life story. I sat in gratitude as each of my friends expressed the joys and worries they'd been processing over the last four months. Their stories reminded me that nobody is ever alone, that everyone has trials, and that I'm not as crazy as I think I am. I left our girls' night feeling perfectly validated. I also felt hopeful and calm about whatever lies ahead the rest of this year. Sometimes, only sisterhood can cause that kind of peace in your life. 


There are many other women in my life who have stimulated this same sisterhood effect. And to you all I say thank you: for your prayers, gchats, emails, text messages, phone calls, lunch dates, blog comments, etc. You truly are burden lifters, joy givers and love providers. Thank you for sharing your reserviors of insight and charity; and your unfailing wellspring of friendship and service. 

Friendship

click on the picture :-) 

One Art 

by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:

places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. 

None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident

the art of losing’s not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Goodbye's the Saddest Word

Feet are dragging. Tears are merging. Heart is throbbing. I've said goodbye but I can't let go. Just one more day. That's all I ask. Just one more day to breathe the history, the faith, the memory. Time keeps moving. Forward and onward. It's taking me, dragging me, forcing me to release and fly. Though I am homebound, my heart feels confused. This city of white limestone-- is it not the same place I slept, ate, laughed, cried, learned, grew, changed? Is this not home? Alas, my pleas are useless.

"By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion. There on the poplars we hung our harps, for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy; they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How can we sing the songs of the LORD while in a foreign land? If I forget you, Jerusalem, may my right hand forget its skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy." --Psalms 137

In case you couldn't tell, I have a hard time with goodbyes. I hate them. Yes. I hate them. But then I must remember that "Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ is the "high priest of good things to come."
--Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

I pray with all my heart that I will never forget this semester. Never, never.

Tel Aviv airport...here I come!

Life comes at you fast...

Excuse me!

I have a very important question. 

Who had the audacity to say this little girl could grow up? 

Hanna 

Umm...yeah. I'm not OK with this. 

What happened to the little girl who used to sneak into my room at 6 am asking me to do her hair before she left for the bus? Or the one who used to sit so quietly on my bed and listen to me rant and rave about how unjust my life was in high school? Or the one who used to be the tiny 6-year-old gymnast jumping on and off 4-inch-wide balance beams?  

I forgot that life happens, that while I'm off chasing my adventures little sisters still grow up. They still continue to develop and become beautiful young women. At this moment I'm seriously regretting all the times Hanna would come to me with question or concerns and I--being oh so self absorbed--impatiently brushed them away. Or the times when she would ask to come with me and my friends to get ice cream or some chinese take out and I--feeling annoyed or pestered--told her "maybe next time." 

I hope I'm not the only big sister who's going through this phase: the one where you look back on your life and wonder what you did with your time while you were still at home, sharing a bathroom and a bed with the very girls who would one day develop their own interests and pursuits. It's a time when you reflect on missed opportunities, but also cherish and anxiously hold on to the few moments when you were a good big sister. When you did listen. When you did express love. When you did share advice, tips, and even testimony. 

Isn't it interesting how the tables turn? Now I'll be the one asking if I can hang out with them and their friends by driving them to all the places they wanna go on the weekends; now it's my turn to wake up at 6 in the morning, begging them to let me do their hair (Of course, now that their teenagers, they'll probably feel seriously disturbed if I do that...). 

Nelson girls, May 2010*

I sure my hope these little ones will give me another chance this summer to prove I really do love 'em. They're so wonderful and simply beautiful. My goodness...life comes at you fast!

*Photo by Rachel Reidhead

Daydreaming a Young Heart's Fantasy

There are two questions I don’t particularly like to answer on a first date. The first being, "what kind of music do you listen to?" and second, "what do you do in your free time?" Not because I can’t answer the questions, rather, it just seems like most of the time, a lot of guys don’t share my preferences.

To the first question I respond with an enthusiastic love for classical music and movie soundtracks, with a few alternative artists sprinkled in (hence the promotion on the right for Mindy Gledhill).  Sure, I like the top 10 on iTunes, but not enough to know who sings it and how long it stays in the top 10. Overall, I've just never really been a person who is up-to-date with current (or old) band trends. I've also noticed, too, that I'm not very open minded with my music. I've tested a lot of the waters, and I know what I like. This can present a small problem when my date has the radio tuned in to his favorite band, and I have no idea who is singing. I feel slightly awkward when my date decides to play radio jeopardy after learning my music preferences. When a recent release starts playing and he asks, "do you know who sings this?" chances are, I don't. It's kind of the same feeling I get when someone begins snapping their fingers all over the place after I've told them I can't snap. It's alright, however. I realize it's not completely "normal" to be disinterested in pop culture music, and so I can sincerely smile when someone decides to test my musical ignorance. Really, it's not that big of a deal. 

To the second question, I hesitate a little longer. Usually it's because my use of free time changes often. In most cases, I answer, "Free time? What free time?" But I know when I'm truly honest about my time management, I realize there is almost always free time. Sometimes my answer is "I practice my instruments." Other times, it's "exercise," or "reading." Lately, I have been blogging and writing in my journal...a lot. If only I didn't waste so much time with social media, then I would probably have lots of free time. Anyway...One of my most favorite things to do when I have free time, however, is to watch movies by myself. I LOVE a good movie. And I love to think about it after. My preferences include just about all genres except horror and dirty humor. Some of my favorite films include adaptations of Jane Austen novels, the Bourne series, Lord of the Rings, Anne of Green Gables, Pearl Habor, Amazing Grace, all musicals, and the list goes on and on. 

The most recent film to spark true feelings of delight is "Young Victoria." I watched it for the first time a few weeks ago while visiting home, and I watched it for the second time this evening. I was instantly attracted to the film's brilliant costume design and scenery that so accurately display 19th century England. Also, the music - which was performed by Ilan Ishkeri - was the perfect accompaniment to a well crafted story. The various arrangement's of Shubert's Swan Song added the perfect dose of delicacy and intrigue Young Queen Victoria's story deserves. Aside form the logistics of the film, it didn't take long before I was captivated by the beautiful love story of Prince Albert and Princess Victoria. Unfortunately, I cannot attest to how accurate the film is compared to history, but I like to hope that such a beautiful couple actually existed. I am so interested in how the two were able to practice genuine kindness, service, balance, patience, and trust in their relationship. Such attributes didn't develop without the two characters overcoming some of their internal weaknesses while enduring the pressure of royal family members attempting to live vicariously through them. But because of their desire to have a marriage of happiness, Albert and Victoria were able to supersede external ambitions of fluctuating loyalties, and instead, were able to rely on one another for support. The two reigned together peacefully and affectionately, side by side, for twenty years - their dual reign ended with the death of Prince Albert at the age of 42. 

Oh dear, I don't want to spoil any more details for those who are interested in seeing the movie, so instead I will simply share some of my favorite quotes from the film, for my own enjoyment (the script, by the way, was very well written): 

Princess Victoria: Do you ever feel like a chess piece yourself? In a game being played against your will. 

Prince Albert: Do you? 

Princess Victoria: Constantly. I see them leaning in and moving me around the board. 

Prince Albert: The Duchess and Sir John? 

Princess Victoria: Not just them. Uncle Leopold. The king. I'm sure half the politicians are ready to seize hold of my skirts and drag me from square to square. 

Prince Albert: Then you had better master the rules of the game until you play it better than they can.

Princess Victoria: You don't recommend I find a husband to play it for me?

Prince Albert: I should find one to play it with you, not for you.

Queen Victoria: [sobbing] I'm so sorry! I thought I was going to lose you! 

Prince Albert: I don't think he was a very good shot. 

Queen Victoria: Why did you do it? So stupid, why did you do it? 

Prince Albert: I had two very good reasons. First, I am replaceable and you are not. 

Queen Victoria: You are not replaceable to me! 

Prince Albert: Second, you're the only wife I've got or ever will have. You are my whole existence, and I will love you until my very last breath.

Every girl yearns to be cherished, to be loved, to be cared for, to be treated kindly. After watching this movie, I can't help but fantasize about my own future Prince Albert. Someone who will approach life with the same passion and desire for happiness as I. And let's be honest, I wouldn't mind having a man who can pull off those totally attractive side burns and stiff collars (I'm usually 100% opposed to facial hair. But Rupert Friend looks rather handsome, doesn't he?) 

I realize that movies can fabricate any love story into an appealing one. I know that life isn't all horse rides along the lake, fancy ball gowns, or quiet walks in tailored gardens. But what if, just for a moment, I can escape reality - at least long enough to find the hope I do have in my future. Hope in the fact that someday, I will find my own Prince Albert. I imagine myself being so dashingly in love, spectators will wonder where my mind has gone. And I will tell them it's in the same place as my heart: right where it needs to be, in a place of joy and peace and passion for what lies ahead (with Schubert's Swan Song playing in the background, of course). 

So then I guess if I were to answer the second question in complete and total honesty, I would have to say that sometimes, in my free time, I like to daydream.