Insights from My Trip

As you all know, I left for New York with very specific questions that I wanted to answer. Let's review:

1. Is this something I really want? If so, do I want it for the right reasons?
2. What are my feelings as I attend different conferences, seminars, and agency visits?
3. What is the one thing my heart years for as I walk block to block, surrounded by thousands of people? Will it crave for more of what I'm submerged in (skyscrapers, bustling business people in business suits, hot dog stands on streets corners, taxi cabs, etc)? Or will it ache for familiarity, wide open spaces, and home?

I am happy to report that I did indeed receive answers in some form or other to all my questions. 

But I'll post more about that later. For now, I just want to allow myself the privilege of thought streaming and personal reflection. 

I learned a lot this week. And I want to make sure I record the plethora of lessons and insights gained from my trip to New York City. I was blessed with a lot of challenges and opportunities I didn't expect. But I'm grateful that this trip was able to open my heart and mind in many more ways than I could have imagined. Below are some of my feelings and thoughts from the trip: 

1. 

The companionship of the Spirit can bless us with peace of mind and feelings of security. 

While visiting New York City, I chose to stay in an all-girls hostel so that I could save money (that's ho[s]tel, not hotel mind you [and I did save bank]). I'd stayed in hostels before, so this didn't seem like such a crazy idea. And in truth, it wasn't. However, that didn't trump the how scared and unsafe I felt when I first arrived at my humble abode and realized I was in Harlem. Suddenly my perfect bubble that had been beautifully crafted from a life lived well in Mesa, AZ and Provo, UT suddenly felt deflated and vulnerable. I was put in a room with 10 other girls, 3 of which were my friends in the AdLab. But even with familiar faces nearby, I still felt very unsafe in my new environment. I was over-worried that my luggage would get stolen, or that I might get kidnapped, etc. 

So I text my parents.

Me: "So, I guess my hostel is in Harlem, New York. There is trash everywhere and I think I might have just seen a cross-dresser walk out of the bathroom. I suppose I should have known that an all-girls hostel in New York didn't mean that you had to originally be a girl. Yay for surprises!" 

My parents responded. 

Mom: "Scary about being in Harlem. Let me know if I should look for a decent hotel room for you." 

Dad: "Love your neighbor takes on a whole new meaning. I have had that experience in business a couple times" 

Me: "Dad, just when I thought I was pretty good at accepting others, I feel like it's a totally different situation out here. I feel very scared and worried. How can I get over my feelings of fear and insecurity? 

Dad: "Down deep we are all kindred spirits (Anne of Green Gables) just trying to find happiness. Outward appearances can be very misleading [. . . feeling safe is] easier for men. Stay in groups. Be extra careful at night. Say your prayers and trust in the Lord. Listen to the Spirit and enjoy your trip. There is much to be learned from this experience." 

I was grateful for my parents' thoughts. After contemplating my situation, I chose to stay at the hostel, and in doing so, followed my father's counsel precisely. As the week progressed, I could sense myself feeling more and more confidant in the fact that I was being protected. I didn't ever feel completely and totally 100% fearless, but I was blessed with a sufficient amount of peace to go throughout my trip feeling calm and relatively secure. Being cautious, aware, and smart were still necessary requirements from me, but by the last day, I realized that I did not need to be afraid. 

 2.

Don't judge others based on outward appearance.

The hostel in which I stayed served a large international crowd of women. My room in particular had two girls from Lithuania, three from Kazakistan, and one from Africa. Being an ignorant, overly-concerned American, I automatically closed myself off and kept close to my corner of the room. My assumptions, judgments, and fears led me to believe that if I befriended these girls then something bad would, like my suitcase would be gone the next morning, or something like that (I know, ridiculous, right??). But on Tuesday morning (my second day in the city) I felt prompted to say hello to one of the girls. I didn't know why. And I even argued with myself for a minute saying, "I'm never going to see these girls again. Why should I even bother?" (I know, I know. . . I'm a terrible person). 

As I sat and debated in my mind the pros and cons of saying hello or just keeping to myself, a new voice entered the argument. It was logical and clear. And it repeated President Monson's counsel from the Fall 2010 RS broadcast:

"Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot."

 After hearing this quote again in my mind, I began to feel foolish for even questioning the thought of giving a kind greeting to the other lovely girls in my room. I then thought to myself, "I want to be the kind of person who helps others feel loved and welcomed. I don't want to be judgmental, harsh, and un-Christian." 

So, I did it. I approached one of the girls at the far end of the room (by this point, most of our hostel-mates had left for the showers/breakfast/etc.). She looked just about the same age as me, but was much taller. She seemed to be packing, as I noticed that all her things were strewn across her bed. With a timid smile, I spoke up and said, "Hi! I don't know you. What is your name?" When she turned around, I saw something that very much surprised me, and even pulled a few heart strings: a genuine, kind smile. 

"Oh, hello!" she replied enthusiastically. "Yes, yes, my name is _______." (unfortunately, neither my long term not short term memory are good at internalizing foreign names. Yes, I'm working on that!).

I then proceeded to ask her where she was from and how long she had been in the United States. 

She replied, "I am from Lithuania. I have been here all summer on a work-exchange program from my country. It has been so fun. And I love being in this country." 

She then proceeded to tell me of her hot summer days working in an amusement park at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. She told me of how much she loved being able to earn money that she could save and take home with her. She talked a lot about how the humidity of and heat of the eastern United States had surprised her, but overall she had thoroughly enjoyed her stay. 

"I don't want to go home" she explained longingly. "It has been so fun to be in the United States. I don't feel ready to go back to school or to regular life in Lithuaina. This is a very good place. I like New York." 

Her answers were enthusiastic, and her smile continued to be welcoming and kind. She asked about my interests, schooling, and reasons for being in New York. She continued to help me feel more calm and comfortable as I briefly told her about my life as a BYU student.  My new friend's thoughts about living in the United States immediately shot pulses of gratitude through my system. I easily forget how much bounty we have as Americans. People from most other countries do not have the luxury of being rewarded for their hard work and sacrifice. But most importantly, I felt grateful for the opportunity to meet this incredible girl who isn't so different from me: she has dreams, ambitions, hopes, fears, desires, and more. 

Sadly, my new friend left the hostel that day for Lithuania. Although our communication was brief, I will never forget the important lesson I re-learned: 

"In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out." 

I doubt I was any help to her. But boy, was she a help to me. I hope that in the future, I will be slow to judge others based on first impression or outward appearance. Being charitable is not easy; it's hard to let go of natural/innate presumptions that have been socialized into our system. But I can promise you that taking an interest in the lives of those around you, especially those you are afraid of or don't know will lead to gratitude, joy and happiness.

More insights coming very soon!