If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard...

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."
Joshua 1:9

Today, I did a very hard thing. I challenged a fear. One that is very acute. One that has consumed my mind all summer.One that has been the source of many sleepless nights. One that has made me very unsettled and unhappy.

I was terrified to follow through with something I knew deep down in my heart I wanted to do. I didn't realize the solution at first, but with a lot of time and help, I finally figured out what my heart was really saying.

I know I'm being vague, but that's the beauty of it all. I don't even have to reveal my big turmoil causing fear, yet you know exactly what feeling I'm referring to. Sometimes it's an all-consuming emptiness; other times, it's a knot that keeps twisting tighter and tighter and tighter until you can no longer breathe; sometimes it's a dull ache, a pain that reminds you of what needs to change; other times, it's a paralysis, and you move into a state where you can't do anything at all because you feel so powerless.

But I'm here to tell you, right now, that light and hope DO breakthrough during our episodes of darkness, confusion, tragedy, fear, or weakness. Nothing is ever too final, too devastating, too impossible, or too scary. God will bless you with the power you need to overcome the challenges that are preventing you from becoming who your spirit is telling you to be. This is why covenants are so vital, and why keeping our covenants is even more crucial to our happiness. God gives us the opportunity to make covenants because those are the types of promises that allow us to tap into divine power. That's why our leaders and the scriptures are always emphasizing the fact that we are not alone. Because really, we aren't. As a baptized member of the church, I am promised that if I will keep the commandments to the very best of my ability, then God will bless me with his help and solace during times of trial and stress. And his help is what gives me the power to overcome my anxieties and fears. I cannot expand my state of happiness on increased self-discipline alone (Bednar, In a State of Happiness). The same promise applies to you. It's taken me a long time to understand this principle, among many others. For four months I've let a particular situation rip me apart. In many ways I felt like someone had picked me up, shaken me around, and left me to frantically search for my center again. From time to time there would be enlightening moments when I felt a prompting about what I should do, yet those precious moments of hope would instantly be shot down by a force much more powerful than my own willpower. It felt devastating, icy, and even dark. There were many times when I felt like I would never be able to feel the full happiness and joy I know I have experienced before. I was afraid I would be stuck in my doomed state forever. But again, I promise that light DOES breakthrough. Calmness and clarity and peace come right at the moment we need it most. And our power to execute a decision strengthens as we move forward in faith.

I don't know what happens after today. But I'm not worried about it. Instead, I invite you to join me in a moment of rejoicing and gratitude. I did a really hard thing, and I'm still alive! I'm still breathing. I'm happy.

I hope you do not believe that your current worry or trial or weakness makes you worthy of loneliness. If you are weighed down, confused, clouded, unsettled, or angry, I suggest that you tap into the divine source you have been promised. Don't be afraid to be persistent. Solutions will come. I know it!

Happy Friday.

Expressions of Gratitude:
hometeachers
friends
roommates
professors
timing



Sources: 
Bednar, David A. "In a State of Happiness." BYUI devotional, 6 January 2006