As we grow up...

we learn important lessons.

For a long time, I've assumed that the right to freedom of expression gives me permission to tell anybody exactly what I'm feeling whenever I want. While it's true that I'm "permitted" to do such things, experience has taught me that this is not always the wisest path of communication. I'm beginning to consider the fact that sometimes it's not appropriate to be open with certain people, and it's also not appropriate to assume they will understand or want to hear everything I want/need to express. I will not share the specific experience that sparked this post, but I do feel a desire to write out what I'm feeling on the subject matter.

Some experiences are meant to be kept locked in the secret chambers of our hearts, at least until God provides an appropriate opportunity for us to share what we're going through. We must respect the fact that some experiences are meant solely for the person experiencing them. Usually, when people ask me "how I'm doing," my reaction is to tell them exactly how I'm doing. This is great if I am, in fact, feeling great. But what about all the other times when I'm actually kind of frustrated, stressed, upset, sad or confused? Apparently it's socially unacceptable to express how we're really doing unless our mood is limited to responses of "good" or "really good." I'm not saying that I always feel gloomy. No, no. I'm just saying that a lot the time, I feel like I can't answer the how-are-you-doing question honestly, simply because I feel like most people don't want to hear the whole story of why I'm feeling the way I am. Fortunately, God does send wonderful people into our lives who will listen, and who have the ability to empathize (to a certain extent) with our expressions. These are the people who help keep us sane.


Now, be careful to not misunderstand me. I'm not talking about distrusting others, or even keeping everything secret. We must always be honest, and we must be especially honest with ourselves and our God. What I'm trying to communicate is the principle of discernment, as mentioned earlier. Elder Maxwell once said that a great challenge we face when dealing with our trials is the eager desire to express what we're going through, yet struggling to realize that most of the time we are not blessed with the ability to properly articulate our most difficult and sacred experiences. Elder Maxwell said, "A sixth trap into which we can fall quite easily, brothers and sisters, is the trap in which we sense that something special is happening in our lives but are not able to sort it out with sufficient precision and clarity that we can articulate it to someone else. That is so often true of the gospel. Its truths are too powerful for us to manage on occasion" (But For A Small Moment). 


For those who know me well, you know that I love to talk. Speaking out loud is my method of processing all the thoughts and feelings festering inside of me. Therefore, if you haven't already guessed it, you know that one of my greatest struggles is what Elder Maxwell mentioned: a great desire to perfectly express all my thoughts and feelings, yet a lack of ability to do so. If I could make one wish today, I would ask to be blessed with the gift of spiritual articulation. To be able to communicate exactly what I'm feeling so that any listener could understand and empathize. But I realize this is a lofty wish. Instead, I hope and have faith that those wonderful people (of which I referenced earlier) will come into my life at the right moments when I need to express myself--because those are the kinds of conversations when I can truly be...katie. Those are the times when I don't feel judged or misunderstood or rejected.


On the flip side, I also hope to be the kind of person who can facilitate these types conversations--complete open and honest interpersonal communication. I pray everyday that my heart may be open and ready to receive whatever the Lord would have me hear, feel, experience, etc. Because I so much appreciate not feeling judged or condemned or rejected, I aim to provide the same type of environment for other people. This is difficult of course, considering the fact that I'm so imperfect. But I hope my empathy can be increased and my kindness expanded. For were these not some of the greatest characteristics of Christ? I think our world could always use a little more kindness; I could use a little more kindness; and I could probably be kinder myself. Life's experiences/trials teach us kindness, and so, as I gradually develop in the gospel I will remember to be watchful for those times when it is OK to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I believe that in respecting my experiences, I will learn all the more.


If you made it to the end of this post, then it is very likely you are one of those wonderful people with whom I trust and prefer to be open with. I hope I have not once again exposed too much. Thankfully, I know you will love me past my weakness anyway. :-) I would like to close with on last quote from Elder Maxwell. He said, "There are simply moments of mute comprehension and of mute certitude. We need to pay attention when these moments come to us, because God often give us the assurances we need but not necessarily the capacity to transmit these assurances to anyone else" (But for a Small Moment). As Elder Maxwell teaches, trust that God knows what your going through, even when your roommates or good friends or family members do not understand. They will someday. Until then, find peace in the Lord's perfect and total empathy. 


Happy Wednesday!  


Works Cited
But for a Small Moment, by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, BYU Devotional given on 1 September 1974