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Being a female YSA (or YMA [young married adult]) in the LDS church is tough. Not because we're limited; but rather, we have so many paths we could pursue that for those of us who feel easily intimidated by decisions, the thought of dedicating oneself to something long term is a bit overwhelming. From college, to mission, to marriage, to family, to grad school, to career, there's a lot a woman can do.
One of the most difficult parts of making decisions is the fact that most of the time, women are choosing between good options. Good vs. better and better vs. best are one bajillion times more difficult to choose between compared to good vs. bad.
As I've tried to sift through my personal interests and the responsibilities I feel obligated to consider, I've found comfort and hope in the words of Elder F. Enzio Busche.
"Be not so much concerned about what you do." Do you remember how stressed you were during your first years of college as you desperately and prayerful sought a major? I remember spending hours, days, even weeks researching majors all across campus. I went from nursing to elementary education and finally decided to pursue communications. I started out in journalism and ended in advertising. Oh, and I might have considered switching to statistics or health and wellness at one point...
The decision was hard simply because I wanted to make the right or best decision. Which major will best fit my personality? Which major will help me be a good mother while simultaneously preparing me for the work force--heaven forbid? Will I love this major or will I dread going to class every day? After all, doesn't your major define who you are for the rest of your life??!
Now that I've finished school, I look back and laugh (just a little) about all the stress I invested in my decision. With a bit of hindsight, I can say that--for me--I should not have been so concerned about what I was going to study. While I loved my major (and hated and adored and loathed and enjoyed), I have realized that studying advertising was really just a means for me to pursue a life-long dream: graduating from college. Granted, I think Heavenly Father blessed me immensely by guiding me to a program filled with professors who would teach me life-long lessons, classes that would refine my natural skill set, and work experience that has now thoroughly prepared me for self sufficiency in the "real world." But in all truth, I strongly believe I could have achieved my dream studying something completely different, like statistics, health and wellness, or even women's studies.
I'm not in any way discounting the fact that for some of us, there is a direct path we should follow in order to get to where God would have us be. Thank goodness for doctors who knew their career path at age 11. This conviction allowed them to prepare almost their whole lives for the great work ahead of them. But for most of us, I don't think there is just one path we must pursue. Quite the contrary. God has provided hundreds of options for us to pursue. Not only does this enhance our gift of agency, but it also demonstrates God's love for us. What could be better than a buffet of good choices? We might say being told exactly what to do would be best, but deep down we all know we wouldn't be happy if God told us all the answers. We know there wouldn't be growth, and in the end, we wouldn't really love what we did because technically we would not have chosen it. And just because we didn't have the answer at age 11 doesn't mean our work isn't just as great.
There are some choices in life that will require thorough study and even patience as we sort through our fears associated with the decision, but there are other choices we need not lose our hair over.
Remember, part of the goal of this life is to develop Christlike characteristics. No matter which path you pursue, know that God loves you and will provide you with the experiences/challenges you need to grow. Sometimes these challenges will be natural consequences from your decisions. Some will be imposed upon you by others' decisions; and, of course, there are also the kinds of challenges provided by our Heavenly Father simply crafted to teach us what we most need to learn. Don't allow your fear of struggle to stress you out as you do your best to move forward in life. God did not intend for us to live in fear or agony.
During the times when you feel stressed to make a decision, ask yourself whether or not what you do is the most important factor, or if the real lesson God is trying to teach you includes commitment, full-hearted service, or learning how to be happy with your decisions.
"But do what you do with all your heart, might, mind, and strength." Sometimes what we do really doesn't matter. Instead, God just wants us to commit our whole heart to whatever we do decide. This, of course, is much easier said than done. I mean, there's so much potential for failure. Doesn't it feel too risky to invest in something when it's possible we might not like it in the end (it refers to just about any choice we make)?
As you weigh your options and eventually make a decision, take the leap of faith by investing completely in your choice. I will never forget the wise advice my friend Julia once told me: "learn how to be happy with the decisions you make!"
When I finally settled on advertising as a major, I was absolutely terrified to apply to the program. What if I didn't get in? And if I did get in, would I even like it? My heart was greatly troubled during the semester preceding and following the application process. Even after I was admitted, I had to consciously decide every single day that I was going to take risks by investing in the opportunities available for getting involved. I would sign up for extra projects, work in the AdLab, and spend time developing professional relationships with professors.
I'm not sure why it was so scary for me to fall in love with my education--I must have been that afraid of the potential failure. Heaven knows I didn't want to fall on my face. But in the end, my investment (no matter how difficult it was to make) reaped rewards I never could have imagined. Sure, I wasn't successful all the time, but I also wasn't a failure all the time either. In fact, some of my proudest moments in life are a result of my experiences in the past 3 years.
Because of my struggles to overcome fear and intimidation, I can honestly say I am a better person today than I was three years ago when the agonizing decision making process started. Today, I am more confident, open minded, and creative. More hard working, passionate, and driven. More friendly, insightful, and understanding. I don't believe this growth would have happened so dynamically had I kept myself cooped up in my comfort zone.
"In thoroughness is satisfaction." This is true. As we learn to let go of our fears and trust that God will guide our footsteps; as we gradually abandon our pride and open our hearts to learning, the Holy Ghost can teach us how to master the tasks we choose to pursue. The more thorough our work the greater the joy and satisfaction we will feel in the end.
Keep in mind, this concept can apply to anything you might be considering. If you've chosen to serve a mission, dedicate your whole heart to the cause. Do whatever it takes. Fall however far you need to fall in order to be a humble, dedicated servant of the Lord, always keeping in mind that sometimes the Lord has to let us fall so that he can raise us higher. This same process applies to pursuing a career, and it especially applies to marriage.
You cannot move forward and enjoy the happiness ahead if you're constantly looking back or holding on to the gate through which you stepped. Take the next leap, open your heart, and let your loving Heavenly Father open the windows of heaven to you. He doesn't want you to feel discouraged. He is waiting with open arms if you would but just step forward in faith. I promise, he is waiting.
Also, remember you are not alone in the decision making process. It will often feel this way, but really, God is quite close. Just read your patriarchal blessing. If you don't yet have one, seek a blessing from a priesthood source. These blessings alone will reveal to you just how acutely aware God is of you and your circumstance.
We can also feel close to God by believing the messages shared by our our General Relief Society president, Julie Beck. She is consistently reminding women of the Church to seek the guidance of the spirit. If we do so, we will be able to make life's difficult decisions amidst Satan's temptations of discouragement and fear. Beck said the following:
“We can only fulfill our [responsibilities] and do the things the Lord needs us to do as we qualify for, seek, receive, and act upon the promptings of the Spirit. If we have the Spirit, we are OK. If we don’t have the Spirit, we are nobody; we don’t have the help of our Heavenly Father in doing His work. [Having the Spirit] is what we are seeking.” (source).It's true: being a female YSA (and young married adult) is hard. But if we seek God He will not leave us to fend for ourselves. He will bless us with strength, wisdom, faith, and hope. "Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction." (Elder F. Enzio Busche, Unleashing the Dormant Spirit)
