Self Portrait

February 10, 2012

Twirling my hair.

It's been an incessant habit for as long as I can remember. Anyone who knows me is aware of the pattern: grab a small section of hair, flip it between my thumb, middle and index fingers. Scrunch it, twirl it, bulb it, repeat. It's the same pattern over and over and over again; and all the while I have a very serious,  focused facial expression.

I do it when I read, when I concentrate, when I'm listening, when I'm talking, when I'm board, when I'm stressed, when I'm contemplative.

I do it with pony tails and bangs. Straight hair, curly hair, long hair, short hair.

I don't know how or why it started. My aunt once said it was my way of expressing nervous energy.  Another person said it's a sign of constant day dreaming. My mother, all wise and knowing, catches me all the time and says, "Kate (that's her nick name for me...only few call me that), you're not going to have any hair left when you're old. It's time to go relax." And usually, she's right.

There are times when I'll be in a meeting and I have to consciously exert self control over my overactive fingers. There are other times when I'm watching a movie and my mind is stimulated by an idea. Since I can't talk it out, I twirl my fingers until my thoughts have calmed again.

I've never had a desire to stop doing it. So...I don't really see it changing any time soon. I probably look ridiculous when I start to grab a section of hair. But in a way, it's just me.

Twirling my hair: It's what I do.