I can empathize

"So, what are your plans? What are you going to do with your life?"

For you recent college grads who zone out or even throw up a little in reaction to these two questions, know that you're not alone.

I was recently texting a close friend about this very subject. Said friend was explaining to me that she felt really unsure about her current job search, that she just doesn't know what the next step in her life is. I could sense her anxiety, her despair. I have another friend who is in the same boat: worried about the future, discouraged about what comes next.

I feel ya, girls. I feel ya.

When the friend I was texting further explained her worries and predicaments, I didn't attempt to tell her that everything would be alright, or that she'd end up somewhere amazing in the near future. I didn't even tell her things will turn around soon or that life is easy so long as you have a good attitude. While all those thoughts are optimistic, they don't really help a recent college grad who feels like she's sitting on the sidelines of life compared to her ultra ambitious, successful friends.

Instead, I told my friend I understood her worries. "It's hard" I said. "It's a pressure-filled time. I often find myself fighting feelings of discouragement." And that's the truth. It's hard for me to wake in the morning and feel hopeful about where I am or feel excited about what I'm doing. I live alone, scraping to get by--in Utah. Scraping might not be so bad if I was in New York, Chicago, LA or another glamorous place. In fact, having such meager means would be expected.

Yet here I sit. In a small town, worried about my circumstances and less than hopeful about my so-called "bright" future. When I get home at night and actually take time to be quiet and still, a small voice enters my mind and asks, "How did you get to this point? What led you to this circumstance? After all, aren't you responsible for the choices you've made?"

I'm not sure yet where the voice is coming from. It doesn't exactly feel comforting or good. It just feels...real.

Before you think I'm all bitter and no sweet, I should mention I told my friend something else in our texting conversation. I told her that I believe in her. And if that conversation comes up again (which I'm sure it will) I want my friend to know that just because life feels scary and sickeningly ambiguous right now does not mean it will always feel this way. In the October General Conference, Elder Uchtdorf offered some comforting insights to this dilemma. He said,

"Many years ago I attended pilot training in the United States Air Force. I was far away from my home, a young West German soldier, born in Czechoslovakia, who had grown up in East Germany and spoke English only with great difficulty [...] At the time, Big Spring, despite its name, was a small, insignificant, and unknown place. And I often felt exactly the same way about myself—insignificant, unknown, and quite alone. Even so, I never once wondered if the Lord had forgotten me or if He would ever be able to find me there. I knew that it didn’t matter to Heavenly Father where I was, where I ranked with others in my pilot training class, or what my calling in the Church was. What mattered to Him was that I was doing the best I could, that my heart was inclined toward Him, and that I was willing to help those around me. I knew if I did the best I could, all would be well. 

"And all was well.

"Satan deceives [us] through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God" (You Matter to Him, October 2011 General Conference). 

I was reminded recently by my father that most of my life events will not be on the front page of the newspaper. In fact, one of the greatest skills (if I can call it that) I can develop right now is to find joy and delight in the mundane. To look for the small and simple beauties that surround me. My father promised me that if I would take the time to do this, I would be richly blessed with gratitude.

Already I am grateful the Lord does not love me based off of my outward success. And I am even more grateful his method of judging me is not that same as mine. I am quite harsh and unforgiving.Oh wait, Elder Uchtdorf says something about that as well, "Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself" (Forget Me Not, October 2011 General Relief Society Meeting).

He continues, 

"In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences" (You Matter to Him).

After reading that quote, I suddenly feel my heart lurching forward, begging me not to "miss out" on whatever my current experience can teach me. One of the most important lessons I learned this year is that I, and we, have the power to make our choices the very  best choices we could have made. So long as we are obedient and constantly inclining our hearts to the Lord, the Holy Ghost can teach us valuable spiritual keepsakes, and the atonement can fill the gaps of unmet expectations, soften the blows of discouragement and ultimately transform a natural woman's weakened perspective into something much more omniscient and eternally encompassing.

In truth, I don't really like my current situation, but it's certainly been humbling thus far. And for anyone else in a similar circumstance, please know that I understand to some degree. Yes, it sucks sometimes. That's just true. But after the blunt blow hits, take a deep breath and remember Elder Uchtdorf's wise words:

"Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed" (You Matter to Him).

I matter to Him.